So a while back i signed up for this program that allows you to end your life if you have a sickness that’s chronic, painful, and doesn’t have a cure. It took years to get approved but i finally got approved.
The real reason I want this is because I’m tired of dealing with so many abusive people, especially in my family. Friends, a lot of them never gave a shit so i can’t blame then. I don’t blame anyone really. This is something that needs to end.
I’ve been wanting to die since i was fifteen years old. And I made it to 33, so I think that’s fair enough. I gave everything I had. I tried everything I could. But this life isn’t meant for me.
That’s the illness that can’t be cured. This is why I spent the last few months focusing on psychedelics. It’s been helping me cope with my own mortality. And accepting the fact that no one ever cared enough about me to support anything I do. I don’t hope for a new life. I don’t hope there is a new life. I don’t hope there is reincarnation.
If there is a God, I hope and would think he understood what I was going through. Having ADHD is living in a world that is not designed for you. It means you’ll make a mess everywhere you go even when you didn’t make the mess. You get blamed for it. It means falling out of relationships because people only use you until you have nothing left to offer them. And since you have ADHD, you go out of your way in ways ordinary people wouldn’t because you care that much about maintaining your relationship. But to everyone else, it just looks like obsessive behavior that’s not normal.
ADHD is living with the fact that everyone that falls in love with you will fall out of love for you eventually. Because even though they love you, they cannot be with someone who doesn’t to engage in arguments because the minute we get pissed off, that’s when we get impulsive and we start saying shit we either been holding in or don’t mean. ADHD means you got to live in a world where you can easily love everybody, but nobody can ever love you enough to be patient with you.
And when I submitted these reasons, I finally got approved. The procedure costs a lot and there are a few permits I still have to get. But i’m glad i finally got step one figured out. When I go out, I don’t want anyone to be there. I don’t even want my family to find out where I’m going. I’m just going to go alone and request to become a tree. I also don’t mind donating my body to science. I think I have a brain that is worth being studied for the future of addiction, ADHD, drug abuse prevention, and general knowledge.